The bloke who played Barney the Dinosaur now owns a tantric sex business

weird shit 24/01/2018

David Joyner is a man who describes himself as a tantra massage specialist and spiritual healer, who can last about four hours a session and costs $350 a hoon.

David Joyner is also the man who embodied Barney the Dinosaur, physically wearing the iconic purple t-rex suit for ten years (1991-2001), the man who entertained and in return was beloved by a generation of children (quite intensely by me, the author of this article).

I’m feeling a lot of things.

This is David Joyner. 

This is David Joyner.

Vice has written a thorough expose on the Barney-turned-bone-King.

Allegedly, Joyner jumped on his tantric business idea in 2004, just three years after hanging the purple suit up for the last time…  And what seems like a complete career U-turn in my eyes, is not so in Joyner’s, who explained to Vice:

“The energy I brought up [while] in the costume is based on the foundation of tantra, which is love,”

Joyner even admitted to practicing tantra inside the hot suit when working long hours on set.

Well, that explains why  Barney was always so blissfully happy and calm…

Barney is happy. Barney is practicing his tantric energy.


In one of Joyner’s $350 sessions the lucky lady (he only accepts female clients) could expect a ritual bath, chakra balancing, and if they’re up for it, cosmic, mind-blowing orgasms.

He reportedly can achieve this cosmic-gasm from just massage, however, he is quoted saying:

“When the lingam [penis] and the yoni [vagina] meet, there’s a certain energy that takes place that hands on the body alone cannot create,”

“Even through G-spot massage, it’s still not the same energy that flows.”

14 years into his business, aged 54, and the man is still going hard (in more ways than one).

Joyner finds his clients via many different ways, including word of mouth and even Tinder.

This is a lot to process for someone who, from the age of 3, slept with a Barney toy every night for five years. Yeah, yeah, I'm a sad weirdo.

BUT NOT AS WEIRD AS BARNEY RUNNING A TANTRIC SEX BUSINESS.  

“I love you, you love me” will never ring the same again in my head. And I'm scared if I didn’t have daddy issues already, I do now.

Just. Wow. 

Barney you dirty bastard.