Bloke gets it on with a coconut, ends up living every man's nightmare

Every day, all around the world, people are doing some stupid shit, but this bloke managed to rank pretty high on the 'wtf-are-you-doing?' scale. 

A guy decided to jump on Reddit to relive his horrific experience of using a coconut as a, well, fleshlight... or something like that.

Whoever said any hole's a goal has obviously never tried to get it on with a piece of fruit, because this story is next level fucked. Here's some of the best bits of the tale:

I end up grabbing the coconut drill and through 20ish minutes of concerted effort end up creating a hole large enough for me to stick my porker into. I decide it requires some lube and grab the nearest slippery thing (some butter) before shoving it into the coconut followed shortly by my meat. I fuck the coconut and it actually feels pretty damn good so I blow my load, shove the coconut under my bed and continue about my day.

...right. Well, that doesn't sound so bad, right? (Except for the fact that he's making love to fruit, but hey). Keep reading...

For the next week the coconut is my saviour. Whenever I want to get off I simply take it out and fuck it in its delightfully tight hole made better each time by accumulating volumes of my semen and butter acting as a lubricant. It’s heaven.

Okay, this is getting a little weird, but we want to see where this goes...

About a week and a bit after the initial coconut fuck (I had been using it pretty much every day since then) I begin to notice a few more flies than usual as well as an odd, unpleasant smell about my room. Must be the coconut right? So I decide that I’ll fuck it once more before I throw it out and get a new one.

NO, DUDE, NO. Throw that shit out... but it gets worse:

You see, the reason for the increased number of flies was that the coconut was evidently, in hindsight, a nearly perfect place to lay eggs. As I penetrate the coconut one last time I begin to feel a strange wriggling sensation.

Puzzled, I pull my cock out to discover that it is COVERED in rotted and moldy butter and semen and TEEMING WITH TINY FUCKING MAGGOTS. They were wriggling all over my dick head and some were even trying to force their way up into my urethra.

I screamed, and threw the coconut against the wall which made the situation worse by spilling the contents.

Oh hell no. HELL NO. If you want to read the full story, in all it's glory(hole), it's available on Reddit, but for now, we're gonna need a bucket.