Let's not beat around the bush... or beard. A dude's ability to grow facial hair is often considered a defining factor of their perceived masculinity.
Unfortunately, for some fellas, their attempts at a manly beard are patchier than Aunt Barb coming off the darts.
If you really want to reach your Duncan Heyde potential, there are a few things you can do.
Most of us are of the opinion if you suffer from baby goat face - you're better off clean shaven, or at best a 5 o'clock shadow. However the science behind your wispy chin fluff is here and we've got a couple tips to help ya.
First off, the reason why...
This may bruise the ego a little, so make sure you're sitting down before reading any further.
Remember, you're not alone.
A male chemical called dihydrotestoterone (DHT) is responsible. Essentially, the more sensitive you are to testonerone, the more thicker and lucious your beard grows - which explains the butch lesbian with the moustache stereotype.
So, essentially, your hormones are shortchanging you.
However, if you really want to reach your Duncan Heyde potential, there are a few things you can do.
Better bearding eveyone.
1. You gotta go through the humiliation of growing it out, patches and all.
Despite popular belief, shaving often and against the grain does not help. Grow it out then shave, repeat this process multiple times and you should (okay, might) be on your way to bristles you can finally be proud of.
2. Do not sculpt into particular styles. You are jeopardising what you've got.
3. The ol' eat healthy, lose some weight and cut down on the piss card can also help regulate hormones, and in turn... patchiness.
4. If you're really struggling there is medical assistance available, including medication or even surgical transplants.
If you do want to take the medical road it's heavily recommended you go see a specialist. Self-medicating is not the answer. You'll likely be prescribed specific supplements to help your DHT levels.
In the meantime, take comfort in knowing patchy-face isn't on you, it's your genetics.
And remember, you're not alone.
A lot of men have this problem. Over in ol' Hollywood James Franco, Chris Pratt, James McAvoy, Daniel Radcliffe, Shia LaBeouf, Justin Timberlake, Keanu Reeves and Shia LaBeouf are all famous and renowned pre-pubesecent goat faces.
Hope our tips can help. Better bearding eveyone.