If you've ever felt like a bit of a f*ckwit, (don't worry - us too), well, friend, you'll feel like a bloody genius after reading this.
Yep, we've heard some outrageous drunken yarns... Bit holy hecka this police report could well top them all.
So, a bloke was attempting to drive home from a bar in San Diego. However, his vehicle was equipped with a breathalyzer interlock system - the engine wouldn’t start until he could breathe under .08 (a top notch punishment for DUI offenders in the US).
The lad was steamed beyond belief... Couldn't start his car, so instead of having a nap or calling a taxi he decided to enlist help from a raccoon - by, get this, trying to get a wild little guy to breathe into the breathalyzer for him.
Bloody stupid. Creative. But stupid.
Things did not go well for this battler. Or the raccoon.
Here’s the full report: