Blazed bloke breaks into Wellington Zoo to impress missus, gets the bash from tiny monkeys

funny shit 12/09/2018

23-year-old Kiwi, John Casford took monkeying around with the missus to a bad place. 

The bloke broke into the Wellington Zoo in April with the aim of stealing a squirrel monkey for his girlfriend. 

Squirrel monkey - Getty

After jumping the boundary fence, bypassing an unsecured gate, breaking through two padlocks and entering the monkey enclosure, Casford soon learned the cute wee fellas aren't ideal domestic pets. 

The little monkeys beat the proverbial shit out of Casford - who received two fractured teeth and multiple bruises. 

He also broke his leg and sprained his ankle in his escapades to getting into the enclosure in the first place. 

Not a good time. 

Late last week Casford appeared in court, where he admitted he was "high as a kite" when the monkey-incident went down. 

Police had been hunting down Casford for a number of other unrelated crimes leading up to the monkey-beating (including multiples assaults) and so he has now been sentenced to two years and seven months in prison, The New Zealand Herald reports. 

God damn.

We've heard dudes doing some stupid things to impress a girl... But hell, this takes the cake.