This is a real shit yarn - really.
A Canadian man has been accused of - wait for it - throwing "liquified faecal matter" at two people in a library at the University of Toronto campus.
We shit you not. But it doesn't end there - two more people were hit two days later, this time at York University's Scott Library, and a fifth person was slung with faeces the following day.
Samuel Opoku, 23, was arrested on Tuesday. He faces five counts of assault with a weapon and five counts of mischief.
Just imagine that - getting arrested and having a criminal record for THROWING SHIT IN A BUCKET at people.
Newshub have more details on this story:
An unidentified University of Toronto student described the first attack to CTV News, saying at first she believed it was just coffee.
All of a sudden, the smell hit... I thought I was going to faint.
The origin of the faeces remain unclear.
"We don't know if it is, in fact, human faeces," Constable Allyson Douglas-Cook told local media.
The faeces felon became the talk of the town prior to his arrest, university students worried their exam study would be interrupted by a nasty surprise.
"I think everyone I know that goes to [University of Toronto] should drop out immediately since people are out here throwing poop," one person said on Twitter.
"I hope this arrest will help calm concern on campuses and across the city," Toronto Mayor John Tory tweeted on Wednesday.
"Great work by Toronto Police arresting an individual in the 'faeces attack' investigation."
Opoku is scheduled to appear in court on Thursday (NZ time).