British couple get a warning after neighbours complain about sex ‘louder than a lawnmower’

funny shit 21/06/2022

A couple from the UK got hit with a noise warning from their landlord because neighbours could hear them having sex that was ‘louder than a lawnmower’.

The noisy lovemakers, Lydia Barker and Billy Brown, received a letter from Stonewater, their housing association, that read:

We have been informed that you and your partner can be heard having sexual relations by other neighbours … [who are] embarrassed and distressed.

The letter continues with a warning:

“Please can you address this matter and reduce the noise when engaging in sexual relations as this is affecting other residents. We will monitor this matter for improvement.

“If we feel there has not been any marked improvement, then Stonewater will contact you again advising you of the action we prepared to take in order to resolve this matter.”

So, the neighbours were having a moan due to their neighbours’ moaning - what a stitch-up.

Lydia, talking to The Sun, said that the letter was a bit overboard, and the neighbours should’ve said it to their face.

“If there was a problem, most people would knock on the door, or stick a polite note through. Making an official complaint to the housing association is very extreme.

It makes me and my man feel very uncomfortable

One of the complaining residents also talked to the Sun and said that the rambunctious racket interrupted her Sunday errands. 

"I was mowing my lawn at about 12:30 pm one Sunday and I could still hear them. I had to go and get my earphones”

That does sound like some booming bonking.

However, the neighbour also revealed that she is divorced, so might be feeling a bit envious of the passion coming from next door.

“I’m on my own, and I’m just a bit jealous. It’s not just me that hears it, but lots of neighbours, it’s hilarious really.”

Lydia reckons she's done nothing wrong, and that she’s relatively tame in bed.

“It’s not as if I’m a screamer. I’ve never had any noise issues before. I’d not call my sex sessions extreme … a few moans, of course. We’re doing it morning, noon and night, but not anti-social hours.”

Billy said the sex sessions don’t last too long, so the neighbours should be a little patient.

[They] only have to put up with it for two minutes. What are they complaining about?

Two minutes? No need to brag mate. 

Lydia’s Dad, who lives in a campervan outside the property, agrees with the happy couple.

“The house has hollow walls but the complaint is extreme. I pop in for a bath and meals, but haven’t heard a thing.”

What a story of love and hate in the same, small neighbourhood. We'd love to be there for the next street party, and we'll make sure to bring some headphones.