Think you've had a hell of a day/week/year? Try this lad's life, and you will thank your lucky stars for your own problems.
This poor British bloke, Malcolm Macdonald, has had a rough last four years, to say the least.
In 2014, his penis "just dropped off on the floor" due to a blood infection in his perineum (the bit between the scrote and the anuck). His testicles remained intact, however.
We're getting these details from NY Post, so head over there to read the full story. But how are these quotes from the man himself:
Because I had been through the devastation of knowing I was going to lose it, I just picked it up and put it in the bin.
BRUH. But wait -
I went to the hospital and they said the best they could do for me was to roll the remaining stump up like a little sausage roll. It was heartbreaking.
As you could imagine, the loss took it's toll on Malcolm - he turned into a recluse and started drinking heavily. But then he found a doctor dubbed "the penis master", Professor David Ralph, who is known for being a phallus expert.
“It gave me a glimmer of hope that I could go back to being a normal bloke,” MacDonald said.
The plan was to perform an arm-graft procedure (i.e. grow a penis on his forearm), which would take approx two years. Which is a hell of a long time, but not longer than a life without a penis we suppose.
“As far as I was concerned, they were miracle workers and I was up for anything that could give me my willy back,” said Macdonald.
And as many guys would if they could - Macdonald requested an extra two inches be tacked on the end of his new-old $65,000 fella. Gaaarnnn.
Skipping ahead, the penis is growing on his arm and Macdonald's happy again. Quote "I couldn't just leave it alone" and "it was the best thing ever". He even nicknamed it 'Jimmy' and enjoys having a laugh about it at the pub.
It's not everyday you see a man with a penis on his arm, he correctly states.
But - and yes, there is a but - there is a downside to this penis redemption story - it's been four years since the new penis was fitted on his forearm, but has not been fitted yet to the original location due to a series of missed appointments, scheduling problems, hospital short staff issues and of course, 2020's darling child, the coronavirus pandemic.
“They canceled again because of the coronavirus. It feels like I’m cursed sometime.”
Macdonald hopes to get it fitted between his legs before the end of the year. “I am determined this penis will be ultimately used for what it was built for,” he said.
On ya mate. Wishing you all the best.