Funny Shit

Bloke's self-medication goes wrong after he puts an estrogen patch on an open wound

Always read the label and use as directed.
22 November 2022 4:30PM

One poor Rock listener had himself an absolute doozy after doing a patchwork job on a skateboarding injury with an unlikely bit of medical kit.

Dave called The Rock Drive to tell Jay and Dunc his crook self-medication yarn that ends with him passed out, parked up and watching rom-coms with the old misso soup.

"I was using a longboard and I came off a cropper,' Dave said. 'My arm opened up on the road. I made it to the party and he [his mate] goes, 'Jeez, mate, you better go clean yourself up. There's a first aid kit in the bathroom'.

"We were rummaging around, we couldn't find too much, and we finally found this little cotton pad inside this sealed package. Jammed that on the over the top of the wound and found some tape and taped it on.

"I put a spare little gauze thing, little patch in my pocket for later, went out into the hallway and had a beer with the boys." 

Thinking he had fixed himself up sweet as, Dave said his skintone then suddenly dropped a couple shades.

"I thought, 'geez, I don't feel very good'," he said. "Mates said 'oh, you're changing colour, man. What's wrong with you?'

"Apparently I just passed out and groaned on the way down as I hit the mattress. When I woke up, everybody was standing over the top of me going, 'Please, Dave, are you alright!'

Amidst the chaos, Dave's friend’s partner walks in and starts rummaging through the side drawers in the room and says she's looking for some little square patches. Old dizzy Dave reaches into his back pocket, pulls out his spare and asks, 'Oh, like these?'. 

The poor woman says yes and immediately freaks out. Turns out the patch wasn't a bandage at all, it was an estrogen patch that Dave had slapped on the raw wound and it absolutely did him over.

Thankfully for Dave, the story has a pretty happy ending.

"The good thing out of it was though, the next day I watched 'Ghost' with my missus and I loved it!" 

Nothing a little Patrick Swayze can't fix, eh?