This is absolute gold.
A couple of months ago, Jay and Dunc were yarning on their podcast about the worst names for genitalia…
Off the back of that, a listener named Adam posted to Jay and Dunc’s Facebook group ‘Sniper’s Nightmare,’ helping the boys out with a huge list of nicknames for your piece.
Adam and his mate have been compiling the list since their school days over 15 years ago, and over the years, any time they’ve heard a funny synonym for penis, they’ve popped it on the list.
May we present to you, Adam and his mate’s list of dick-synonyms! Or in Adam’s words, the “Phallus Thesaurus”:
"Beef missile
Bald-headed giggle stick
Camel rider
Throbbing wobbly
Rat rifle
The blunt fury
Spam Javelin
Groinhammer
Purple headed womb warrior
Birth canon
Weapon of ass destruction
Bald headed yogurt slinger
The mugger in gammon alley
One eyed milkman
Beef bayonet
Richard and the twins
Bearded blood sausage
Turtle neck sweater
100% beef thermometer
Deep-veined purple-helmeted spartan of love
Fandangled mandangler
Winky the milk spitting tunnel ferret
Throbbing purple spear of destiny
Squirmin' Herman the one eyed german
Silly willy's stick of mayhem
Mr Johnson and the juice crew
Beef gatter
Lasagne puncher
Soldier in the flesh trench
Swinging beef
Mushroom tip
Back room boy
Flesh rocket
Frothernozzle
But my personal favourite and one for the LOTR fans… Boromir (because it takes 3 shots to go down)."
How. Fucking. Good. Was. That?
Cheers Adam for sharing the Phallus Thesaurus with us!
If you wanna be a part of Jay and Dunc’s Snipers Nightmare Facebook group, you can join it here.
