Funny Shit

10 Rules those visiting NZ must follow, according to a kiwi bloke

Not many, IF ANY.
26 January 2023 12:00PM

We had a listener on the show the other day who yarned about some of the rules one must follow when visiting New Zealand. Take a look at them below and see what rings true to you. 

  1. You are required, by law, to declare: “Just these, thanks.”, when buying something from the dairy or servo. If you don’t, the shop can charge you for literally anything else on their premises. 

  2. One must always thank the bus driver. 

  3. If someone raises their eyebrows at you, you raise them back. It’s called the ‘bro brow’.  

  4. When you meet someone new at a party, you must find the two degree separation between the two of you. Or, at least ask them if they know James from high school who works in the same company as them. When gatecrashing, just say: "Bruce said to drop in". (This rule does not apply to NZ only, you are bound to find your second cousin's flatmate in that London Pub).

  5. You’ve got your everyday jandals, and your 'going out' jandals. For the really rich you have your everyday jandals, your going out jandals, and a good pair of work jandals.

  6. Nod down for strangers (and politeness), upwards for the bros.

  7. Whenever you answer a question with 'not many', you MUST follow up with 'if any'.

  8. Children's birthday party tables must and shall feature cheerios and fairy bread. ‘Hundreds & Thousands’ biscuits are not an acceptable replacement for fairy bread, but may be served as well. (Auckland-specific: If you have a new child in the family, take them to the zoo and place them in the mouth of the dragon as an offering. He will generally let you have them back).

  9. You must moo at a cow at least once during a road trip.

  10. If you answer a question, regardless of whether the response is yes or no, you have to say a mixture of yeah, nah, yeah a few times. To clarify, "yeah nah" means "nah" whereas "yeah nah yeah" means "yeah".

And that's what it takes to be a kiwi in 10 rules. Simple as that, eh?