This yarn is fucking crook. Be warned.
Melissa sent her grim story into the ‘Help, I Sexted My Boss’ podcast, asking for advice on how to move forward from one of the worst situations ever.
She’s a daughter who was house-sitting at her parents and, after a few wines, found a shoebox under mum’s bed. In it was her mum’s “XL veiny monster” dildo. She washed it, then used it. Horiffcally, you’re not even close to done cringing.
“It hit all the right spots,” the recount says, as read by podcast host William Hanson. “The only markings were a faint name on the base embossed in the plastic - it read ‘Clone A Willy’.”
“Turns out I’d been getting the best orgasms of my life from a replica of my father’s penis.”
Of all the sentences I’ve ever heard, seen, or written in my life - that is the one I will see as a curse on my memory. It dims all other aspects of life, one line as a dark, dark stain.
Rock hosts Westie Lee and Dunc and producer Tiegan played the clip on a bonus episode of ‘The Honey Hole’ Rock Drive podcast and fell into horrified laughter.
“Don’t tell a podcast,” Dunc said when asked what advice he’d give to the daughter. “I wouldn’t be sending voice memos so it’s good it was in text form.”
“I wouldn’t tell mates - that sort of shit would stick to you like shit to a blanket. If that got out to the wrong people, that would go like wildfire.”
“That guilt is going to be with her until the day she dies.”
As it will be with the mother, the father, any relatives who know, everyone who has read this story and everyone who will hear about this story by word of mouth - after this, everything is worse off.