Outrageously horny dolphin assaults swimmers, causes beach closure

The Morning Rumble 30/08/2018

A barred up dolphin has been terrorizing a popular French beach with it's rampant sex drive. 

The horny dolphin is so persistent the local mayor had to close the beach Bay of Brest, to prevent harm to civilians. 

Apparently, the ten ft fella, affectionately nicknamed Zafar, started out very friendly, taking swimmers for rides on his fin to their delight. However, things have since ecalated - From dry-humping kayaks, to stopping swimmers from getting out of the water with his 20 cm erect wanger, Zafar is out of control.

"The solitary dolphin is looking for company," Sammy Hassani revealed to Ouest-France (via Vice)

"He will rub against the hulls of boats or humans while he is in heat."

Lonely and horny. A predicament many of us can understand.

Unfortunately, Zafar hasn't got his head around the concept of consent. Nor the opposable thumbs to get on board with Tinder. 

To the horrror of Mulls and Rog, Bryce thought this would make excellent radio scenario chat. 

Bryce asked the boys, if humanity was wiped out and you HAD to do the nasty with a sea animal - what would it be? 

Yarns. 

Check out their questionable answers above.