Funny Shit

Corn flakes were invented to prevent dudes from jacking themselves off

Originally marketed by Mr. Kellogg as a “healthy, ready-to-eat anti-masturbatory morning meal."
2 March 2018 3:01PM

Ye ol' Corn Flakes are one of the most popular breakfast cereals in the world and are pretty boring and vanilla at best. 

But did you know your humble Corn Flakes have a sinister past?

Mr Kellogg, the genius who created Corn Flakes, created the cereal in the late 19th century and marketed it as a “healthy, ready-to-eat anti-masturbatory morning meal”. 

Just. Wow.

Mr Kellogg was such a firm believer that sex was damaging to the mind and body that he slept in a separate room to his wife and never consummated the marriage. Mr and Mrs Kellogg adopted all their children.

And if this ol' mate thinks that the ol' in out in out is bad, then you can imagine how jaw-dropping the thought of masturbation was.

If illicit commerce of the sexes is a heinous sin, self-pollution is a crime doubly abominable,

Mr Kellogg was also a firm believer of the idea that meat and rich foods would make people horny, so the plainer the food was, the more suppressed you could keep your sexual desires.

And think about it, have you ever really been turned on by your cereal? 

Well, fruit loops are kinda sexy rainbow colours holes and The Special K lady's pretty hot. 

But cornflakes... Mr Kellogg hacked it there. 

Now, be gone with your sinful breakfast thoughts!