Rock News

You’re in luck mate: there’s skincare for your balls that can (supposedly) make 'em look bigger

Have your prayers finally been answered?

If your balls have been looking far from fresh lately (please don’t tell me if they have or haven’t) luckily an Aussie brand has dropped some ball-based skincare to save your testes. 

We are not sure who asked for this, but it is here nonetheless. Nutcare is the company wanting your balls looking good.

On offer they have; an exfoliant called ‘sugar nuts’ which will “loosen and remove dead skin cells and impurities”; a hair removal cream called ‘barenuts’ which is supposed to be safer than a razor (but will have your balls looking like a naked molerat); and ‘smoothnuts’, an anti-wrinkling moisturising cream that will give you “a more youthful looking scrotum” and “can help make your testes look bigger”. 

So yeah, if you reckon your balls are a bit old, hairy, and tiny, then it’s your lucky day. 

The products and their effects on the balls will genuinely come in handy when it comes to checking for lumps and bumps that might be testicular cancer.

Nutcare say they are big advocates of increasing awareness of men’s health issues and hope that their “products will enable men to more freely talk about self-care and men’s health concerns.”

Scotland is where Nutcare started back in February of 2017 and it was started to address a very Scottish problem. James and Julie, the founders, write that they started the company so that “the men of Scotland [could] feel fresh under their kilts, without the health concerns associated with talc. All whilst not smelling like a baby or you’re granny.”

They decided to bring the products for your down-under Down Under due to the hot weather down here. They are based in Aussie but do ship their products here.

“It was a no-brainer for us when you consider both the heat and humidity of the Australian climate,” they write on their website. 

“It instantly provides an ideal market for nutdust to be both needed and loved by Australian men.”

If you get your hands on some of these products, why not give it a review, write it down on a letter, chuck it in an envelope, and fire it off into space because we do not wanna hear about your balls.