In the latest round of penis news, a Swedish skier suffered what has to be one of the worst experiences any penis-haver could go through.
Calle Haldvarsson was hitting the snow at the 20-kilometre World Cup event at Rukatanturi, Finland. The temperature dropped to below 15 degrees Celsius leading Calle’s ski pole to freeze, and by ski pole I mean penis.
To soothe what he describes as the most horrific pain imaginable, he had to go warm it up.
“I have frozen my penis. For real,” He told the Swedish outlet Expressen. “Damn, I had to lie in [the athletes’ tent] for 10 minutes to warm it up. It hurts so damn much. It’s terrible.”
After he was all hot and unbothered, Calle was in a joke-cracking mood.
“It’s lucky that I’m about to have my second child because it’s going to be difficult in the future if I’m going to continue like this.”
When asked to describe the pain, he says he doesn’t really want to before adding it is a horror he wishes on no man.
“No. Those who know, they know. But here’s a tip from me: Stay away from it, because it is the worst thing you can experience.”
Thanks, mate, from here on out I will actively avoid freezing my penis (there go my weekend plans).
In another ‘fuck that’ news, earlier this year a fella broke his penis after performing the “world’s most dangerous sex position.”
The unnamed 37-year-old was reportedly doing the ‘reverse cowgirl position,’ in which the woman is on top facing away from the partner.
During the position, the poor bloke suddenly heard a loud crack, followed by “pain, discomfort and immediate loss of erection.”
The lesson to learn here is to never ever go reverse cowgirling when it gets a bit chilly.