Flamingo impersonations and diarrhea: The return of Dad Jokes
Rock Drive
Rock Drive

Flamingo impersonations and diarrhea: The return of Dad Jokes

Prepare your groaning gear.
9 October 2023 3:52PM

After being put on ice for a couple of months, dad jokes have made a triumphant return with some serious side-splitters.

Check them out below, and keep them in your back pocket for later.

'Decided to give rugby a crack. Thought I was doing pretty good but all anyone could say was "nice try"! Condescending pr*cks.'

'Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.'

'You hear about the cartoonist found dead at his home? Details are sketchy.'

'I like dad jokes about eyes. The cornea, the better.'

'Someone threw cheese at me the other day. I shouted back at them, "that's not very mature!"'

'I was walking with my friend the other day and he kept warning me about the hole in the ground that was filled with water. I know he means well.'

'A bug hits the windscreen while driving. Dad says "I bet he won't have the guts to do that again."

'Sad news, broke up with my girlfriend for a girl named Claire Lee. But the good news is I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone.'

'My boss really hates when I shorten his name to dick. Especially because his name's Steve.'

'My four year old nephew can't pronounce please in Spanish. That's poor for four.'

'A father was washing his car with his son, and his son turned around to ask him 'Why can't you use a sponge like everyone else. My jeans are scratching the paint.'

Don't worry, plenty more where those came from. Keep reading for more rippers.

'I went to the fish and chip shop and asked for a piece of cod. Girl behind the counter said "certainly sir, it won't be long." I said "Well it better be bloody fat then."

'Have you ever tried blindfold archery? You don't know what you're missing!'

'The neighbour sent me a message saying they saw my dog chasing a kid on a bike. I didn't even know my dog had a bike!'

'Is diarrhea hereditary? Of course it is. It runs in your jeans.'

'My missus said I need to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.'

'Last night I had a dream I was swimming in an ocean full of orange soda. Actually, it was more of a Fanta-sea.'

'I accidentally swallowed a bag of Scrabble tiles - my next trip to the toilet could spell disaster.'

'What's Whitney Houston's favourite kind of co-ordination? Little bit of HAND-EYEEEEEEEEEE.'

'If at first you don't succeed then sky diving's probably not for you.'

'My mate rung me and said meet me at the vinyl shop in 45. I got there in 33. That's record time.'

And finally....

'I wasn't upset when my girlfriend dumped me because of my small penis. I was never really that much into her anyway.'

If you still can't get enough, you can find more Dad Jokes here: