Rock Drive

When you get a lifetime ban from a children's waterpark

Elle from the UK sent in a ripper of a yarn about the time she was banned for life from a waterpark.

Have kids they said, it'll be fun they said...

One of our great listeners, Elle from the UK, sent in a yarn of the time she got a lifetime ban from a children's waterpark, and it's a ripper of a tale. 

Have a read of it below, or have a watch of Jay reading the yarn to Dunc up top.

The story of Elle getting a lifetime ban from a children's waterpark

Hey fellas, I’m Elle from the UK. I recently found your podcast through Facebook reels and am now working my way through the back catalogue - absolute love it. Just wanted to share a yarn with you…  a few months after giving birth I was talked into a swimming trip with the family. My body hadn’t quite bounced back like the celebs do but at short notice had no options so dusted off the old cozzy - squeezed into that sucker, it was tighter than a cats arse, but needs must.

Off we go to a local pool which included some fancy slides. Not being an adrenaline sort of person I was a definite no to those hell holes. I should point out at this juncture though that I am a mum of boys-. It’s a steep learning curve. And you guessed it - After much cajoling and ribbing from my sons and husband of course I was talked into it,

“What could go wrong?” “Hadn’t I seen all the children enjoying the slides? You’re a grown adult - piece of piss” “Dad’s done it - he’s way cooler than you” ect.

Well I wasn’t having that - I bravely climbed the steps of hell and lowered myself into the mouth of satan. Nothing left to do but go for it. I was having second thoughts then one of the little bastards gave me a shove in the kidneys and off I went like a buttered otter. I shot down that motherfucker, scrabbling to the sides of the tunnel trying to get some sort of friction to slow myself down but to no avail. I bombed out of the bottom of that tunnel like a high speed land train into the plunge pool. I emerged from the water to see a line up of sons and my bastarding husband all laughing at me. I went ballistic (which is really out of character for me as I’m actually a lady) but I saw red and let them have it. I swore several times then my attention was diverted by a life guard frantically blowing his whistle and pointing at me.

Long story short I got removed from that pool and now have a LIFETIME BAN , apparently they frown upon offensive language in front of minors but mainly they don’t tolerate indecent exposure- the force of me entering the plunge pool in such a tight and old costume was similar to a car crash - the airbags deployed! I stood up with the watermelons out! The twins! Ant and Dec! The breasticles on full display! I was mortified.

My boys thought I was pretty bad ass though for getting banned from a children’s pool so at least I beat Dad that day. #MumWin

All in all an eventful day.

Got a funny yarn you wanna share with us? Join Jay & Dunc's podcast group Sniper's Nightmare.