Heads get curb-stomped, police get shot in the face, and every part of the human body meets the pointy end of an axe as Santa goes on a festive rampage in 'Christmas Bloody Christmas'.
While many of us face Christmas-time problems like dealing with the weird uncle, being pestered by talkative inlaws, or ratbag little cousins doing our heads in, the characters in this movie have a bit more on. Namely, being methodically hunted down by Santa and killed in a cold, cruel and gruesome manner right smack-bang in the middle of the most wonderful time of the year.
The RoboSanta+ (played by Abraham Benrubi) is a ‘toy’ made out of a high-grade military weapon or, as the ad at the start of the movie states: “US Defense Department war technology made fun for the whole family”. And this thing is one scary fucking robot.
Rather than a high-speed, weapon-toting, explosion-bringing robot a la ‘The Terminator’, the RoboSanta+ is a slow-moving, brutal, killer utterly void of any humanity whatsoever, similar to your Jasons and Michael Myers.
Travelling through a world coloured by fluorescent, neon streaks and lights RoboSanta provides some gory, bloody, explosive, violent deaths that will either delight or disgust you as he chops his way through cops, cars, couples, and even cuts a kid under a Christmas tree.
After making light work of his first victims, RoboSanta follows record store owner Tori (Riley Dandy) and her employee Robbie (Sam Delich) as they embark on a night of drinking, smoking, and talking shit.
Tori and Robbie’s relationship is instantly recognisable as one that is years old and close. Their dialogue with each other is relentless yet never tiring. They argue over the truthfulness of the theory that rockstars lose their musical ability once they cut their hair; their favourite Soundgarden albums; if there are actually any good Christmas movies; all while definitely flirting with each other, even if Tori won’t admit it - because Robbie definitely does.
They seem like real people with real lives and watching them interact with each other is so enjoyable that you could watch them talk for the whole 90-minute runtime. But alas, RoboSanta finds his way to them.
Unfortunately, the movie doesn’t make the most of this chemistry. Rather, it falls victim to a classic slasher trope that just gets repetitive and boring in the final thirty minutes or so. RoboSanta takes a lot of damage throughout the movie - his face torn off and red suit barely hanging on by the end.
Now looking a lot less Saint Nick and a lot more T-1000, this killer robot faces anything and everything that should destroy it as survivors try to get through what is sure to be their worst Christmas ever. Did I keep watching till the bitter end regardless? Of course I did.
'Christmas Bloody Christmas' has that in the relationship between Tori and Robbie, it just doesn't capitalise on it. However, it's a movie about a fucking killer robot Santa relentlessly murdering people in the most brutal ways, what did I expect? Even if it isn't a cinematic masterpiece, it is a whole lot of fun watching Tori and Robbie talk each other's ear off as Santa is going round chopping off limbs left right and centre.
'Christmas Bloody Christmas' is available to stream on Shudder.