As we come to the end of 2022, we reflect on all of the crook shit people have done from all over the world. And trust me, there’s a lot of it.
From people chopping off their own pieces to items stuck in rectums, let us remind you about the crook news stories of the year that you’d probably rather forget.
The year started off with a bang, when an American bloke’s partner “accidentally” put expanding foam inside of his urethra.
The 45 year old man was struggling with impotence during sex, so started putting different items into his D in attempt to stay hard. After he put expanding foam in there, it hardened, and it was a bit of a horror story to fix.
In February, a bloke from Thailand chopped off his penis after smoking weed. The 23 year old had a couple cones, and got wigged out by his piece after he felt pain and thought it looked distorted.
So, he took the logical route and chopped it off. Check out more of that story here.
Later in February, some bloke seriously injured his back after attempting to suck his own D. We don’t really need to go into that one any further.
Thankfully in March, we had a break from the grubby news stories. But we were straight back into it in April, when a bloke in Ghana chopped off his own penis and rectum in his sleep.
He was dreaming about slaughtering a goat, and woke up in immense pain when he realised that he not only slaughtered the goat in his dream, but also his own penis.
Later in August, doctors in Brazil had to remove a 2kg dumbbell from a man’s rectum.
Doctors struggled to get the 20cm-long-dumbbell out of the 54-year-old man, and eventually one of the poor surgeons performed a ‘manual extraction,’ using his forearm. Give that man a pay rise.
May was another month with nothing to report, but June was all go when a lad had to undergo emergency surgery after inserting a 10-inch sex toy into his rectum.
Not only did he put it in upside down (balls first), but when he tried to get himself, he couldn’t. Check out The Morning Rumble chatting about it, plus the x-ray photos here.
August was all go. A woman in the UK ended up needing surgery after she accidentally got her vibrator stuck in her rectum. Have a watch of her recounting the story here.
A 34-year-old bloke from Indonesia also had to be rushed to the hospital in August, after he shoved an 80cm-long earphone wire down his urethra. Thankfully doctors were able to remove the wire before it did any serious damage, but it's a hell of a yarn.
Then September came, and so did a 15-year-old who tried to measure his piece with a USB cable, but ended up getting it stuck inside of him.
The poor bugger was doing some sexual experimenting and measuring, but the cable became trapped and knotted inside of him. Check out that yarn here.
In October, a lad from Thailand finally went and saw a doctor after a metal ring had been stuck on his penis for four months. FOUR MONTHS.
When doctors couldn’t remove the ring, local firmen were called in, who ended up removing it using wielding cutters and power tools. Have a watch of them removing the ring here, if you so wish.
Aaaand to wrap up the year, let’s head to India, where a 22-year-old shoved a steel cup up his anus after a night on the piss. He was rushed to hospital after his rectum started bleeding, where 11 doctors managed to remove the cup.
Alright, I’m sick of writing this article. That was your crookest yarns of 2022!